How to Deal with a Loved one with Cancer from the Perspective of the Cancer Patient:

4/15/15

Dear Daughter or Son
 of Cancer Patient,

   I want to say something from my perspective which I believe is similar to your Mother’s or Father's. 

  When I found out that my cancer had returned to all parts of my body.  I felt depressed but not surprised. My loved ones were shocked and felt like helpless bystanders. Now they are very supportive and positive but I know that is for my edification. Because of this I decided it’s a lot easier to be the cancer patient than the loved one of the cancer patient.

   Remember the old Cowboy/Indian movies….the hero got captured by the Indians and the Indians didn't trust his motives so to prove himself the Cowboy has to” Run the Gauntlet”….if he made it to the other end they would be trusted friends.  This is an apt analogy for the cancer patient, the loved ones, the treatment and the ending.

   The hero is the cancer patient…the gauntlet is the treatment the cancer patient will endure….the onlookers are the loved ones who feel  helpless  and the end of the gauntlet is remission. You must run the gauntlet to reach remission…...if you don’t  get up and continue at any time you die. 

   What the helpless love ones don’t realize is they are imbibing the cancer patient with the courage to run the gauntlet and when things get tough to get up and continue to the end…they are sending love/courage to the patient. You have heard of people who refuse to run the gauntlet…they aren’t getting very many love/courage messages.

  I feel bad for you and the loved ones and I’m sure there were many for your Mother or Father.  Because your Mother/Father didn’t make it to remission…they tried, they didn’t give up and all their seemingly helpless loved ones imbibed them with the courage to give it all. They died trying….with courage and could only endure the gauntlet with the people around them. Nobody should feel guilty and they need to recognize their positive part in the struggle.                                                                  Now you want to get to the next step….when you Mother/Father appears in your thoughts I want a smile to come to your lips. You lived most of your life with your Mother/Father with a smile on your lips and I want you to spend the rest of your life with your Mother/Father with that same smile!

                                                                         With love and sincerity,

                                                                                 Patty Pomeroy